As I have noted
previously, I volunteer as a room host for the same non-profit educational
foundation that I am a paid instructor for. As a result, I get to learn a lot
of interesting things for free. I recently attended a Death Café class as a
volunteer (and observer). Below are my key take-aways:
Death Café
Definition-
A Death Café is a welcoming, group-directed conversation where people gather to
discuss death, dying, and end-of-life experiences in a safe, respectful
environment. It is NOT a grief support group or counseling session but, rather,
an opportunity to share thoughts, ask questions, and engage in meaningful
dialogue. A local hospice agency facilitated the group.
Death Café
Movement-
This program was definitely not unique to the Florida city where I live. The Death Café movement began in
Switzerland in 2004 and later expanded internationally, encouraging open
conversations about mortality and helping people make the most of their lives.
People enjoy free refreshments as they talk about death and dying in a relaxed
environment.
Range of Emotions- After an initial
full group conversation, the16 attendees were divided into two smaller groups
of eight. Over the course of 90 minutes, I observed both hearty laughter and
heavy sobbing (men and women alike!) as people shared stories about themselves,
their loved ones, and their greatest joys and fears. There were no lectures
but, instead, totally authentic sharing among people who were strangers. The
biggest financial fear that I heard expressed was running out of money during
their remaining lifetime, which echoes findings from many older adult surveys.
Thought-Provoking Questions- The initial full
group conversation started out with three questions: How old do you want to be
when you die? How far are you from that age? and What are you planning to do in
between? (i.e., what is on your “bucket list?”). I was amazed that a handful of people said things like “ I don’t have a
bucket list,” “I’ve done everything I want to do,” and I’m OK if it (death)
happens tonight.” I erroneously assumed that everyone has some unfinished business
on a “to do” list but apparently not so. Instead, I noticed a sense of calm
about facing the end of life.
More Pointed
Questions-
In the small groups, people were given large index cards with questions like
“Who is your support system?” and “When you die, do you want to be alone or
with others?” and “You have one week to live: what concerns do you have?” and
“Who was the first person who you saw die and how did you feel?” and “How much
end-of life medical treatment do you want?
Wide Range of
Topics-
As a volunteer, I was seated close enough to the two groups to follow their
conversations. Among the topics that came up were probating a will, dying
without a will, finding an attorney, regrets about not being able to go back to
talk with ancestors, several “I wish I’s…”, estranged relationships, fear of an
extended need for long-term care, suicide and assisted suicide, and the
difficulty of holding end-of-life conversations with loved ones.
To summarize, the
experience of watching an in-person Death Café in action was enlightening and
provided lots of insights to write this post and to prepare future personal
finance classes. There are also virtual Death Cafes that are held on Zoom and
hosted by various facilitators worldwide.
This post provides
general personal finance or consumer decision-making information and does not
address all the variables that apply to an individual’s unique situation. It does
not endorse specific products or services and should not be construed as legal
or financial advice. If professional assistance is required, the services of a
competent professional should be sought.
