Barbservations as a Sole Next-of-Kin Survivor

 

Earlier this year, I lost my only sibling to cancer/heart disease and became the sole next-of-kin survivor from my small family of origin. My brother had no spouse or children. In addition to grieving the loss of my brother, I dealt with financial matters (e.g., unexpectedly paying for a cremation and doing a forensic audit of my brother’s finances) and technological hurdles (e.g., searching for a digital assets inventory and learning how to navigate an Apple Mac computer).

With some recent perspective, I offer the following Barbservations to help other sole survivors:

 

Take Care of Yourself- Emotional and physical well-being are extremely important when someone is grieving. Eat well, engage in physical activity, and get adequate sleep. Also seek out social support. I was very lucky to have my brother’s long-term partner to share stories, memories, feelings, and a multitude of postmortem tasks. We formed a close bond as a result.

 

Organize Important Documents- I used my financial planning skills to create a postmortem net worth statement for my brother using information from bank statements, credit card bills, tax documents, and other sources. I also prepared a binder to hold documents related to my brother (death certificates, social media account closure information, cremation paperwork, information about my brother’s websites, and copies of my brother’s identification information etc.). Having everything in one place kept things organized and provided a sense of control.

 

Take Contemporaneous Notes- As this definition states, contemporaneous notes are detailed, accurate, time-stamped notes that are taken when an event occurs or immediately afterward. Think: former FBI director James Comey and his detailed memos about conversations with President Trump. Starting when my brother became ill, I took detailed notes of conversations with him, his partner, and various people who helped us out along the way. Several of my conversations with my brother were long and deep and I now have notes about them to refer to.

 

Celebrate Their Life- Find a way to honor a loved one’s memory by celebrating their memory in meaningful ways. For my brother, his partner and I spread his ashes at sites (e.g., Blue Ridge Parkway) that he wrote about in his blog. In addition, he was cremated in a favorite motorcycle jacket and his creative works will live on in a Pinterest page that I found by accident. I also paid to keep his website up another year so I could re-read and save all his blog posts.

 

Update Your Own Estate Plan- If your estate plans included your deceased relative, they will need to be reviewed and updated. For example, since my brother was a beneficiary of my will and “Plan B” health care proxy in my living will, I subsequently prepared new documents.